Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Sword Porn

First off, if you're looking for weird and wonderful bookshelves, by all means type 'bookshelf porn' into google.

If you're looking for weird and wonderful swords... don't type 'sword porn' into google. Just sayin'.

*

So this blog-post was occasioned by noticing the fantastification of Jorg's sword on my Prince of Thorns covers (UK/US (left), France/Spain (middle), Poland (right))

Which led me to muse on the business of fantasy swords in general and to ill-advisedly type 'sword porn' into google.

I did find a good selection through other means:

All of which set me thinking that the form in the top left corner (and simple variants of it) represent an evolution over many centuries of a device upon which the user's life often depends. This evolution delivered the most optimal form that could be manufactured - and whilst it's possible there are better designs waiting to be found... I'm pretty sure they don't include a bunch of fancy serrations.

I'm torn on this one, because I do like 'pretty swords' but my enjoyment of them is hampered by the knowledge that they are silly...

Don't even get me started on polearms...



Got any better examples?
at

13 comments:

  1. Anonymous20 February 2013 at 06:12

    How about Gunblades and oddities like that? http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Gunblade

    ReplyDelete
  2. Paul Weimer20 February 2013 at 06:14

    Do Bat'leths count?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ratatǫskr20 February 2013 at 06:31

    Of course I google "sword porn" immediatley. First thought: "That's not so bad!". Then I notice that SafeSearch is on. I switch it off and... Oh... I now long for oblivion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mark Lawrence20 February 2013 at 07:03

      dude! I warned you!

      Delete
    2. Ratatǫskr20 February 2013 at 08:09

      I thought I was strong enough. The swords proved me wrong. That seems to be the whole point of (all types of) swords...

      Delete
  4. jerome20 February 2013 at 07:47

    Ahhhh shit! Now I'm going to being thinking about searching for Sword Porn but knowing that I shouldn't be searching for sword porn, that's like saying "What ever you do don't turn around or you'll turn into a pillar of salt!" Duh!! Of course I'm going to turn around! I have never to this day ever thought about sword porn and now you've lodged it in my brain! Well bloody done!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous20 February 2013 at 10:25

    Even with safe search off, it is not so bad. But there is definitely nothing interesting to be seen.

    I was already fantasizing about young princess with huge spiky swords. But nothing of that, unfortunately.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Terenbas20 February 2013 at 20:31

    That was one of the things I actually DIDN'T like about the Broken Empire covers: the over-fantasfication of the swords. There is a lethal beauty and elegance in the simplicity of a realistic looking blade.

    One of the best examples of "realistic fantasy swords" can be found in the Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. I LOVE the look of those blades.

    And frankly, the sword on the cover looks far too pretty for Jorg's sword.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Elspeth Cooper21 February 2013 at 05:09

    Argh, fantasy swords! I hates them, all silly spikes and can-opener curves that will hang up on the ribs of your opponent leaving you weaponless when Disposable Throne Room Guard No.4 comes at you from the side - never mind that if you actually made one with enough high-grade steel to withstand a parry and hold a decent edge you wouldn't be able to lift the bloody thing (I have swords at home. I know whereof I speak).

    Terenbas is correct; there is beauty in simplicity, in form that follows function. That is why my next sword is going to be one of these: http://www.raven-armoury.co.uk/dss.html

    ReplyDelete
  8. Unknown21 February 2013 at 05:17

    I found a great sword: http://hdwallpaperss.com/myadmin/img/HDWALLPAPERSS.COM1345616997_fantasy_swords_sword_of_darkness__uc1120b_1632.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  9. wiramu.wall23 February 2013 at 07:26

    Makes me think of Frostmourne...

    http://browse.deviantart.com/art/Arthas-and-Frostmourne-89371916

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous26 February 2013 at 13:17

    Well, a serrated sword would actually be fantastic... if you carry lots of disposable, one-use-only swords on your person. :'D Otherwise it's a bit like carrying a gun with a single bullet.

    ReplyDelete
  11. NebachadnezzaR26 February 2013 at 13:36

    I can see both sides of the topic. When I was a teen I loved fantasy swords to death, a regular plain old sword look dull and simplistic in comparison. Alas, I grew up, and my interest in swords did too, to the point of learning a whole lot about them. And now I can't take fantasy swords seriously anymore... They just seem to scream teenager fantasy. A real sword, on the other hand, means business. Serious, bloody business.

    On the topic of book covers, I was somewhat pissed off that the Portuguese cover for Joe Abercrombie's The Blade Itself looked like this: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UvR-El3katU/USd6iGnuS7I/AAAAAAAADT0/53n5GZTa-J8/s1600/a+l%C3%A2mina1.jpeg
    when the only important sword in the book (the "magical, even has a name" sword) is explicitly described as looking plain, old and dull.

    ReplyDelete